A life of great difficulty is a life of great potential.
I am a survivor of profound childhood abuse. Being highly empathic since birth, while compounding this experience, also enabled me to find my way back to wholeness.
Living with childhood wounds that seemed unbearable, I had existed moment to moment trying to hide the truth of how I felt inside from everyone around me. In my early 20s, after years of being lost in pain and self loathing, a series of events led me to the Esalen Institute in Big Sur. It is while living there that my latent, innate abilities of perception and healing were awakened. While living on the Big Sur coast, immersed in Esalen’s healing environment, my process of returning to wholeness began. Big Sur possesses a beauty so awe inspiring that just looking at it stirred the depths of my soul; it changed me, lifted me and humbled me. To see it, I felt, was to know the hand of God.
My healing was a journey made all the more difficult because of my extraordinary sensitivity. I felt all the terror, pain and agony of my past on a level I can not explain and would not wish on any living thing. I honestly never for a moment thought I would survive my process of healing; it was simply too severe. I was only trying to clear as much damage as possible before I died. My aim was to greatly lessen what I had to face in my next life.
Believing my life was forfeit to a journey I could not avoid or refuse freed me to jump into the darkness with no regard for my wellbeing. I worked at healing my wounds without concern for preserving myself in any way. I pushed and strived with a maximal effort that was forever being raised to a whole new level of intensity.
Every time I thought I could not try any harder or bear any more, I reminded myself that this was going to kill me in the end and as long as I was alive no amount of fatigue or suffering was relevant. Years went by at this pace and instead of killing me, it made me strong. Eventually I reached the tipping point, achieving wholeness again. I began to remember that as a child I had a special connection to the divine; I could feel myself being part of something and surrounded by it at the same time. I felt a loving presence always with me, always holding me, just beyond the range of normal perception, just waiting to be noticed and allowed in. Remembering all of this, I started to unbury this connection and to explore what gifts lay within it. My self healing and the exploration of my gifts were intertwined, each informing the other. I developed an understanding of suffering and healing that transcended any one school of thought. This became my life’s work: using my own experience and my perception to see and relieve problems for others, be they physical, emotional or spiritual. I now work with people all over the world, using my experience and gifts to help them achieve healing in their own lives.